I Hate This Part Right Here.

Bonus points if that made you sing a Pussycat Dolls song when you read it.

If you have been following (or even just reading occasionally since I started this blog, you may remember it all started with 30 Day Updates.

Every 30 days (or so), I posted a photo of myself in my under-stuff so that I could track my weight loss journey.

The main reason I did this? Purely for accountability, and to give myself a reason to KEEP. ON. GOING.

Alas, shit happens.

Here I am, 5 1/2 years later and the amount of life changes I’ve faced in that time is kind of mind-boggling to me. On top of changing jobs approximately 5 times, moving 3 (or was it 4?) times, beginning a serious relationship, a really weird and blurry 18 month old period where I worked upwards of 90 hours per week without sleep….I don’t really have any concrete excuses for what happened.

All I know is life got crazy, life got hard, and here I am trying to get back to the lowest weight I ever hit: 198 pounds. Or at least somewhere close to it, kinda sorta. Really, I just want to feel as amazing as I did then. I want to be able to do everything my body could do then, again.

You may have seen my most recent post about Whole30 and how since I discovered and tried it last August, I’ve made a lot of changes for the better.

Although I feel those differences, I was really struggling to physically see any changes. So I thought to myself, “Why don’t you start back at the beginning?”

When I began my first round of Whole30 on August 13th, 2016 I had Sean take a photo of me to compare to throughout my process. I actually felt so great and was so happy that my scale moved 13 pounds….I forgot the photo.

So, I took a new photo today before leaving home for work, and begrudgingly pulled up the old one for comparison.

I wasn’t looking forward to making this collage…but I am glad I did. Not only was it important to me to see the difference, but I thought it might be helpful to those who are trying Whole30 or struggling through these types of situations to see that my story and experience are real.

And so, Sondra in her underwear photos have returned.

3e525cd5-b6a4-44db-991d-41c0a33c2106

August 13, 2016 and January 12, 2017

And so, thats where I’m at. It’s not perfection, and it probably never will be. But I’m ok with that.

How do you track your progress? Does the visual make you feel more accomplished, or do you prefer to track by weight and measurements? I wanna know!

Until next time!

See Sondra Sign-off-stacked

 

The Light at the End of the (Ridiculously Long) Tunnel.

Not gonna lie.

I had the best intentions before I went to D.C.

I was going to post the 30 Day Challenge follow-up right before I left. I was going to follow the itinerary exactly the way I had planned it prior to my departure. My boyfriend was NOT going to have to wait forever for me to be ready before our dinner the night before I left.

But, Monday, on my way to work from Sean’s house (while I was giving myself a pep talk because my scale has not MOVED in the past month and a half….talk about a stall!), my radiator blew in the Jeep. Mind you, I had NO forewarning from my beloved car, and the fact that it happened the Monday before my trip was just plain insulting. So, being that I literally had no time to get it fixed before I left, I had to bum rides to work with Alex, Sean had to drive 50 miles on Wednesday to pick me up from work to take me to dinner another 50 miles away, and I got off work late, of course.

I get back from D.C., and still couldn’t really bear the thought of dealing with the car, because honestly? Things will go so great….and then BAM! Tragedy strikes. And it always comes in multiples. Since the car incident, not only have I still not had the time, energy, or tolerance to get it fixed, but a plethora of other unfortunate incidents have occured. The worst being that I got home on Friday night and realized that Bandit, my baby box turtle, was dead. He was alive and swimming Friday morning before I went to work, when I put water and a strawberry in his terrarium. I was reading Friday night and noticed he had been perched on his little pool the same way since a few hours before, went to get him, and alas…he was gone. And I was heartbroken, although some people don’t understand why it is so devastating to me.

I had an amazing Memorial Day weekend with Sean and his family. Sean was so excited for me to meet his grandpa, who he speaks so highly of. We went out to Riverside and took him out to lunch with Sean’s parents, and it was a great day. I couldn’t help but be a buit wistful, because I don’t have that kind of relationship with my grandparents. However, Sean’s grandpa made it clear that I am now his graddaughter, and that, in all of its simplicity, made my day.

Sunday, Sean and I went up to Idyllwild for the day, and looked around all of the cute shops. It was such a nice and relaxing ride through the mountains, and it was like we were leaving all of the stress behind us. We ate lunch at a little chinese place up there that is part of his fondest childhood memories, and enjoyed each other’s company, as always. We got back to San Diego, and met up with some friends to see MIB3 (which is AWESOME!) and then went to Tapioca Express for a late night snack!!

Monday, we got up early, and started prepping Sean’s house for the big get-together. SOOO many people came over and we had a blast. Sean made his amazing chicken wings, steak, hot links, sausage, and tons of other grilled goodies. I made spinach-artichoke dip and cornbread muffins, and Sean’s mom made peach cobbler, red velvet cake AND brownies. It is truly amazing that I escaped the weekend without over-consumption of calories, come to think of it….

Anyways, the point is this. The events of this weekend, combined with some heartfelt conversations with my amazing boyfriend led me to decide this:

You can’t control life. Things are going to fall apart. Things are going to die. Things are going to just plain suck sometimes.

But it always gets better. And you can always persevere, and speak the end of the tragedy into existence. And so, I am taking my good fortune back! I am waking up early tomorrow morning and going for a run. I am drinking protein smoothies for breakfast, and protein shakes for lunch. I am taking time to plan things with the man I love, and accept that this is the real thing: NO MORE RUNNING. I am going to go sit in my car, read the manual I ordered on Amazon, and figure out just how easy it is to replace a damn radiator (my dad raised me to do my own tune-up and oil change for crying out loud. Surely I can change a radiator and adjust my own power steering pump?). I am going to start a savings account specifically for Sean and I’s amazing adventures. I am going back to school this fall to pursue whatever I decide I want to do for the next few centuries of my life. I am going to stop taking on problems that aren’t mine, and I am going to remember who I am, and the fact that I just don’t accept failure. I don’t let the little things beat me. And for a second? I totally forgot that!

Sean said it to me last night when I had yet another emotional sob-fest breakdown: “Sondra, you were able to beat the thing that held you back your whole life-your weight. If you could do that, how can you possibly think something like car problems can defeat you? Get the numbers, figure out what needs to be done, and we will make it happen together.”

Yes. I admitted to him that I felt defeated (and he said WE! And TOGETHER! :))

But I am back. And the transition may not be the smoothest, but it will happen. Mark my words.

I’d like to thank everyone who has been so helpful and supportive while I’ve been going through it. I appreciate the patience from those who have sent emails, and the help from my loved ones in assisting my car-less behind in getting to work. Lol.

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend, and went into the work week ready to kick butt!

I shall leave you with some Tumblr Inspiration:

‘Til Next Time!

XOXO