I Hate This Part Right Here.

Bonus points if that made you sing a Pussycat Dolls song when you read it.

If you have been following (or even just reading occasionally since I started this blog, you may remember it all started with 30 Day Updates.

Every 30 days (or so), I posted a photo of myself in my under-stuff so that I could track my weight loss journey.

The main reason I did this? Purely for accountability, and to give myself a reason to KEEP. ON. GOING.

Alas, shit happens.

Here I am, 5 1/2 years later and the amount of life changes I’ve faced in that time is kind of mind-boggling to me. On top of changing jobs approximately 5 times, moving 3 (or was it 4?) times, beginning a serious relationship, a really weird and blurry 18 month old period where I worked upwards of 90 hours per week without sleep….I don’t really have any concrete excuses for what happened.

All I know is life got crazy, life got hard, and here I am trying to get back to the lowest weight I ever hit: 198 pounds. Or at least somewhere close to it, kinda sorta. Really, I just want to feel as amazing as I did then. I want to be able to do everything my body could do then, again.

You may have seen my most recent post about Whole30 and how since I discovered and tried it last August, I’ve made a lot of changes for the better.

Although I feel those differences, I was really struggling to physically see any changes. So I thought to myself, “Why don’t you start back at the beginning?”

When I began my first round of Whole30 on August 13th, 2016 I had Sean take a photo of me to compare to throughout my process. I actually felt so great and was so happy that my scale moved 13 pounds….I forgot the photo.

So, I took a new photo today before leaving home for work, and begrudgingly pulled up the old one for comparison.

I wasn’t looking forward to making this collage…but I am glad I did. Not only was it important to me to see the difference, but I thought it might be helpful to those who are trying Whole30 or struggling through these types of situations to see that my story and experience are real.

And so, Sondra in her underwear photos have returned.

3e525cd5-b6a4-44db-991d-41c0a33c2106

August 13, 2016 and January 12, 2017

And so, thats where I’m at. It’s not perfection, and it probably never will be. But I’m ok with that.

How do you track your progress? Does the visual make you feel more accomplished, or do you prefer to track by weight and measurements? I wanna know!

Until next time!

See Sondra Sign-off-stacked

 

30 Day Challenge Part 8, and Some Random Nonsense!

Alas, here we are again.

I’ve said it before: This never gets easier. But it certainly is rewarding! Lately, I have been dealing with myself on some major body-consciousness issues. Being that I was always big before, I was pretty familiar with what parts looked like what, and how to handle it. As the weight drops, I am learning that I have to dress the part (haha, funny pun!), so to speak.

I can wear slouchy tops without looking ten pounds heavier now, but I can’t fill out a dress like I used to. Half the styles I like to wear are now too large on the top if they fit on the bottom, and too small on the bottom if they fit on top.

Can a girl just buy a simple, yet killer empire-waist dress without having a panic attack in the fitting room, pretty please?!

And then, when Sean and I went to Disneyland, I realized something that kinda pissed me off: No matter how much weight you lose, how proud of yourself you become? People are just rude.

I’d like to send a pleasant shout-out to all those at Disneyland who were kind enough to STARE at me wearing my denim shorts all day at the park. From tourists, to Disney Cast Members. 1) My thighs aren’t nearly as large as they used to be. And though they may jiggle, you ought to thank your lucky stars that I wasn’t wearing daisy dukes, or those ridiculous shorts that are so short, you can see the pockets! 2) Although the common public may frown upon larger women wearing shorts…..I’m GROWN!

This is Disneyland, people. Why on earth are you so worried about what I’m wearing? Don’t you need to go get your fastpass for Space Mountain?!?! People would literally look me up and down, stare at my legs, and then say something discreetyl( so they thought) to someone in line with them. And then me, being the hot head I can be (Ask Alex about the lady in the Albertson’s parking lot who cut me off in her Lexus. :)), I would just loudly say, “Wow! If one more person comments on my legs, I might have to look into endorsements!” or “If one more person comments on my legs, I am going to LOSE IT!”

I have no shame. I do whatĀ I want, and that includes wearing shorts. And if you don’t like it? Kiss my butt. It doesn’t jiggle nearly as much as my thighs do. Thank you, 24 Hr Fitness! šŸ™‚

I saw a photo on Tumblr recently that really struckĀ a chord with me, and it was all I could think about with all these sad individuals judging me all day:

Sadly, this is the type of societalĀ attitude that leads to all these young girls with eating disorders. Girls who hide their snacks under their beds, because they know people will just look at them with judgment and criticism when they eat them in public. Girls who can’t get past their small chests, or big butts. Girls who hate their thighs, think they would feel better if their hair was thicker….it all stems from a lack of body acceptance. And I can’t change the world, and the way that the people in it think. But I can certainly change the way I think about my body and myself. I love myself. And I love that I have wide hips, and big thighs. IĀ  can get over going from a DD to a C. I will wear shorts, and I will always dress in a way that makes me happy, and makes me feel good.

If they don’t like it….cool. If I can’t change it…fine. But I’m not letting it run my life, or ruin my day. And who knows? Maybe changing my own outlook will end up changing even just a miniscule percentage of the world.

Anyways, on to the good stuff (aka, me in my underwear. Bow chicka wow wow)!

January 2012

That was in January. And then….there was April!

Today, front shot! BAM!

And the side shot!!

And so, my friends…that is that. As I said…I can only be. I can’t be you. I can’t make you realize how significant these changes are, or understand why I would bother to wear shorts in the first place.

But I can certainly look at where I came from, look at where I plan to go, and pat myself on the back for making it this far.

I'll do just that!

OH! and before I let you go! Remember my fabulous experience at The Boudoir Divas that I was raving about? They just recently posted a YouTube video with testimonials about the Hair and Makeup experience with my lovely new friend Peggy (seriously, I feel like she is my friend after our hour together!), and you can catch yours truly towards the end! Check it out here!

Love you all, and hope you have an AMAZING week! I’ll be posting again later this week, with some of my favorite picks for summer: swimsuits, cosmetics, skincare…I go nuts for this stuff!

If you’ll excuse me, I am off to Sprouts for dinner fixins’ and then the gym for a run and Zumba later this evening.

Please don’t forget to check out Relay for Life. I’ll be walking for TWENTY-FOUR hours this weekend, and I have a new fundraising goal to meet! Go to RelayforLife.org and search “Sondra Holtz” and donate to my team! Help us raise even more for the American Cancer Society! And, a HUGE shout out to all of the amazing people in my life who have already made huge contributions. Love you guys!

‘Til Next Time!

XOXO

Sondra Jo