Good Afternoon, and HAPPY SUNDAY to everyone!
I woke up this morning to a text from a former co-worker I adore. She asked me how my dieting was going, and I informed her that the last time I checked, I was down 56 pounds. FIFTY SIX pounds. That is absurd, isn’t it? About 14 weeks ago, I had my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy…and I know that I’ve told most of you the story about how I marched in the surgeon’s office declaring that I knew what I wanted, and that I would have it no matter what.
I live my life that way. I want or need something, and I start the process OWNING it. I ignore all feelings of hesitance or anxiety or non-belief. I’m no brave hero, or anything like that. I just can’t pay any mind to those things, because I know that it will set me up for failure. I’m all about the “Believe and Achieve” philosophy….or as I usually say “Speak It Into Existence.” It’s hard to find others to believe in you, but it’s most difficult to believe in yourself. And I have to take that leap of pure FAITH, and know that what I put my mind to is more than attainable….if I just GO for it.
Now, here I am, constantly worried that I won’t lose anything this week, or that I’m not getting enough protein, or that I’m not eating every 2-3 hours like I am supposed to, or I’m not working out enough ( although, I’m really NOT working out enough. But that will change soon!)…and I drive myself crazy! But then I step on that scale, and see the number change so drastically after just a week or so…and I feel so PROUD.
Some of my biggest fears when I was at that 305 lb mark were that someday I’d never be able to have kids…or that if I did, a combination of aging and obesity would make it hard for me to ENJOY them. I was scared that I’d end up with Heart Disease or Diabetes, attributed to my weight. Something that would further affect my life forever. I have so many things left to see, do, and accomplish. I just couldn’t see letting this lifelong battle ruin the rest of what my life has to bring. I absolutely REFUSED, in fact.
A lot of people think Weight Loss Surgery is an “easy way out.” I’ve been fought with on this many times. But there is nothing easy about walking into a doctor’s office and ADMITTING your weight has become the hardest thing to live with in your life. It’s not easy to watch the news and know that you’re part of the ballooning statistics concerning obesity…and that you’ve always been. It’s not easy to go into stores with your thin friends and go straight to the accessories section. It’s not easy to know that being obese doesn’t just affect your life and the way people see, talk about, and treat you; It can KILL you. Diabetes, Heart Disease, Sleep Apnea, the inability to conceive….the list goes on and on.
If you think living with that is EASY, then being thin must be really hard! Maybe I made the wrong choice! Lol. Choosing this procedure, and the lifestyle changes it entails was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, albeit smartest. They tell you the risks, and you have to believe that you will NOT be the small percentage of people who don’t make it through, or the slightly larger percentage of people who it doesn’t do much good for. Can you believe that some people actually go through all of this, and still slip back into obesity after? That tells you how much of a DISEASE it is, rather than just a condition.
I knew I needed help, and I got it. A lot of people can’t do that. Because it is NOT, in fact, EASY.
But, here we are. And there is still a LONG way to go…but I feel more excitement than fear these days. I wore my favorite black banded skirt last night, and it was too big around the waist and gapped more around my legs than it used to….and I realized that’s the last time I’ll ever wear it. It no longer works…it’s too BIG. It’s bittersweet….but every time one of my favorite things no longer fits…I have to see it as PROGRESS. I still struggle a little with that concept, because I have an underlying fear of parting with things. I’m a little too nostalgic for my own good!
I am becoming very excited at the idea that I’ll be able to shop for a whole NEW closet of clothes. As a girl with a walk-in closet, this is both daunting and ridiculously amazing at the same time! It will be awhile, because the weight is just going to keep coming off, and I can’t afford to buy things just to get rid of them a few weeks later….but I’ll be MORE than ready when the time comes! And I’ll be shopping at ANY store I feel like!
I know this topic is kind of random….but I have to reflect a lot lately. And the fact is, I think a lot of people can relate to this…whether it’s in terms of weight loss, or another significant struggle in life. Sometimes, the hardest part of beating something, is just ASKING FOR HELP. Acknowledging that you NEED help. I’ve always had a problem with “needing help.” But I have a bigger problem with missing out on life.
And for the record, all of you have been a TREMENDOUS help, whether I’ve asked or not. And for that, I am forever grateful. You’re an amazing group of friends!
And saving the best for last, got on the scale this morning, and it read: 243 lbs. That means, my friends, that I have lost SIXTY TWO lbs to date. Excuse me while I go pour a bucket of Gatorade over my head and celebrate!
‘Til Next Time!