….All You’re Ever Gonna Be is Mean!


Today was my six week post-op appointment, and guess who gets to get her butt back in the gym? ME!!

That was pretty much the best news EVER! I am soooo beyond excited to get back on the stationary bikes, eliptical, and to kick some butt in Zumba class! WOO! Maybe, when my butt is smaller, I will take a spin class! Maybe not. I don’t like small seats….and I don’t really want a small butt…..

Anyways, point is, I get to work out again! Goood times!

It’s funny, because although I keep rambling on and on about “…you’ll be sorry when I’m skinny!” I’m really just having fun. But I had a moment today where I thought to myself “Ooooh. I can’t WAIT to be skinny. Just to make a point!”

This really isn’t so bad, despite the vapid context, lol. The thing that made me feel bad about it, is that the thought was prompted by a FaceBook friend request from someone who I used to be head over heels for. A friend request that I have yet to confirm or ignore. This guy was a great friend, and I found myself infatuated with him, or who I had created him to be. I deleted him a loooooong time ago, because I didn’t want to be the crazy girl who occasionally found herself stalking his page to see what was new with him. I figured, if we weren’t on terms to where we actually SPEAK and could ASK each other what was new and how things were going, then we aren’t really friends….right? And again, I was trying not to be a STALKER! I know myself.

Now, all these months later, I have to fight with myself. I have moved on. But there is still a piece of me that is resentful, and feels like this completely unexpected situation will bring on some things I just don’t want to deal with. There is really no picking up where we left off. I felt like he hated me, and deleting him helped me deal with that. Now, I don’t know if he really thinks we are friends enough, or if he just wants to see what I am up to (there I go being vapid again, thinking I’m always the main attraction 🙂 ). Likewise, part of me doesn’t really care. I know there is nothing there to rekindle, and if there was, I am NOT interested. I do, however, like the idea of him being able to witness my progress and achievements for himself. I’m a completely different person now….with nothing to prove to some guy who isn’t really paying much attention anyways.

I always sing that Taylor Swift song, “Mean,” thinking about him, or just people in general who I feel will have a new attitude once I reach my goals. The sad reality is that people will pounce on the opportunity to approach you once you’re doing really well. But at your lowest, they ignore the fact that they aren’t quite the picture of perfect themselves, and they alienate or hurt you. Me? Someday, I’ll be better than I am now. But all that really matters to me, is that I can honestly say I’ve always tried to love everyone no matter how much I weighed, how much money I made, or how many things I achieved. I pride myself on that. I might be a LOT of things, good or bad….but I am NOT insincere.

Who kn0ws. Maybe someday, we will be able to be in the room  without him ignoring me, and me pretending I don’t realize he’s ignoring me. Or maybe, I’ll just stay here in my content little space, and say screw it. Let’s face it….if he doesn’t have facebook to keep up with me, just WAIT until he sees me in person. Then who will be the one doing the ignoring…..hmmm?!?! Lol.

Anyways….just the ramblings of a formerly infatuated, soon to be formally fat girl…who forgot what she felt and remembered what she deserved.

Love you all!

P.S. The next post will be a dooooozie! Stay tuned! ❤

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