BIG Love.


I came across a really interesting post in my my sleeve support forums. I love that no one is ever scared to ask all of those questions that linger in the back of your head, bordering on inappropriate!

Someone was talking about how since their weight loss, they’ve seen their significant other in a different light.She is no longer attracted to him, and finds him pretty much downright disgusting after she’s lost over 100 lbs, and committed to living a healthy and active lifestyle. I found myself intrigued, because although I don’t have a significant other, so to speak, it triggered something in me.

Sadly, I guess I have always been a little shallow. I might not have been skinny, but I certainly held some disdain towards those who ate copious amounts of food without qualms. I’ve never really dated a “big guy,” so I don’t have much to go off of there, either. But I’d like to think that if my man and I got big together, we’d lose together too. Otherwise, wouldn’t things get a little tricky? SUPPORT is 99% of this battle. If it weren’t for the people who have stuck by my decisions and checked on my progress, I don’t know that I could have taken this step. It was all those people who said “Sondra, you have always done what you put your mind to. This won’t be any different.”….I may not have bothered. The push I gave myself was a huge factor. But the push from others sealed the deal.

One guy I was “dating” was quick to jump and tell me that he liked me just the way I was. He was so passive-aggressive about the whole thing that I was pretty much confused. He was in school to be a personal trainer, and yet….he was advising against my procedure. I found that shortly after that conversation, I was really no longer attracted to him. I couldn’t tell you why it bothered me so much, but it ruined our whole dynamic.

Another guy, he pretty much put it on the line that his attraction for me would be compromised if I were to lose more than 25 pounds. NICE. You better believe I don’t respond to any of his calls or texts these days….and yes, he still calls and texts. What the hell?

There’s one guy…I’m convinced without doubt that he is merely WAITING for me to be skinnier before he finally makes a move. I don’t want to believe it. But I don’t want to lie to myself, either. And the funniest part is that at one point, he had more of a shot than anyone.

I love people for WHO they are. And I’d like to think that someone getting fatter, skinnier, sexier, uglier, smarter, dumber, etc wouldn’t change my feelings for them. But at the same time, how do you start an entirely new life, with a huge focus on your eating habits and active lifestyle, and then turn your head to the lack of motivation on their part? What’s the point of being with someone who asks if you went running, but doesn’t want to run WITH you? Why bother cooking for someone who will complain about the fact that you used lean meat and no crisco? It just seems so sad to me, but at the same time, it’s a truth a lot of people have to face. How much you love someone won’t be enough if you start to feel like they don’t love you, let alone THEMSELVES, enough to make these changes, and take control of their health and livelihood.

All this to say, I guess I’m just gonna need to marry me a pro athlete. Someone who won’t mind hitting the gym with me, and who actually LIKES protein shakes. UGH! ❤

5 thoughts on “BIG Love.

  1. christal says:

    The reality of it is, yes, you do have to be attracted to the person you’re with. I suppose I’m shallow for saying this, but Z put on 50 POUNDS since we’ve been together and admittedly, I was NOT happy. This was one thing that I would’ve emailed you about. But after many uncomfortable talks, he’s finally done something about it and has lost 20 lbs which is AMAZING. Yes you love your partner for who they are, but they need to love you enough in return to want to be the person you need them to be, and vice versa. It’s no lie when they say that love is a two-lane road… I guess what I’m saying is don’t worry about your partner, just love them like they should love you and stay conscious about the condition of the love you’re receiving in return. So there, my two cents. 🙂

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  2. sondrajo says:

    Maybe we aren’t shallow, after all. Maybe we just don’t settle for less! And your two cents is, as always, much appreciated! I think I need to just move on period, with this one. It’s too hard for me to sit around and watch him be so insecure, and yet so STAGNANT when it comes to fixing it. That used to be me. But that was SOOO long ago! Lordy! I am glad Z got it together tho! 🙂

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  3. vanity says:

    Ive been reading your posts after seeing a link on fb and this 1 i just had 2 leave my opinion on. I sincerely believe that while in a relationship everything is a compromise and we always know b4 hand what we will and wont deal with. With that being said I was a mere 120 lbs when I met T, a year later I’m sad to say im now 165 and well T has definately gained we obviously got comfortable and “let go”… well i have always been skinny through out my teen and early adult life, until now so (SURPRISE) I am completely down about it! thing is i dnt want T to feel as if we gained this weight 2gether and now Im gonna loose it by myself and leave him feeling uncomfortable about not only his weight gain but also my weight loss, so we got together and now have a gym membership he hits the weights and i hit zumba and we r charting our progress together. your partner doesnt have 2 be teenie tiny or big as a house to want to gain, loose, or even support u in ne decision u make. like i said b4 i strongly believe relationships need compromise NOT ultimatums so with that being said i dnt thing u need a pro athlete… u need someone who accepts u 4 u and will travel any journey for u and with u!

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    • sondrajo says:

      Vanity, you are absolutely right! One of the things I love about you and T is that even though I have only met you once, I KNOW how good you are for him. 🙂 And I love that you guys take steps TOGETHER. Don’t get me wrong: I’d love the person in question REGARDLESS. The annoying part is that he ACTS like he wants to improve this, and go on this journey with me, and then I hear him putting me on hold to order Jack in the Box. LOTS of Jack in the Box. Lol. I’ve never been thinner….and he has. So this situation affects him emotionally in a different way then it does me. I am doing this to be healthier….It’s been a looooong time since I was “unhappy” with my body or self-image. But he used to be an athlete, and I think he is very disappointed in the decline he has gone through in just a couple of years. And I’m so busy taking care of myself, that I don’t want to nag him to do what he wants to do for HIM….I would never ask or expect him to do it for my benefit. I wish he would do this WITH me, even though our relationship isn’t even close to you and T’s. Nevertheless, I sincerely value your opinion, and I think you are GORGEOUS!! You will achieve your goals together, and I think that is an amazing testament to how srong your love for each other and yourselves is. ❤

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  4. vanity says:

    Thank you for all of your kind words! I now understand a little more about the situation and can see your frustration, but also your patience. LOVE how determined and strong willed you are and will be cheering for u the whole way! I hope u succeed as well as things working for the two of you.

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