I never really thought of myself as the fat girl.
I have been the loud girl, the quiet girl, the weird girl, the smart girl, the crazy girl, the girl in the bright colors, the girl with the big smile…..the list goes on. I’m sure they referred to me as the fat girl. But me? I never heard it.
Problem with selective hearing? You still see what you look like every time you pass a reflective surface. You still have to learn to be ok with shopping trips with friends to places where you can really only engage yourself in the accessories section. You still take longer than everyone else to run the mile, and you still can’t help but notice some of the stares that come your way when you’re in public.
I would be a liar if I sat here and told people that I cared so much about what others thought. Problem was, I always was so much tougher on myself.
January of this year, I had my physical exam, and talked to my doctor about the options I had as far as Weight Loss Surgery(WLS). I did a TON of research, and thought the LapBand was my answer. It tied in with the healthier life style and habits I had been developing, and it was reversable. I began the process with my insurance and primary care physician, and got a referral to see my surgeon, Dr. Takata on March 8th, 2011.
First, let me just note that having a good looking man as your surgeon is QUITE the little mind game. I was determined to do well, just so that I could at least imagine our future children being an actual possibility! Anyways, Dr. Takata was impressed with all of the research I did, and made sure to inform me that he thought the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy was his preference, in terms of procedures that would be most successful.
Basically, homeboy wanted to take my tummy from a football, to a farm egg! Needless to say, I decided that someone who got a MD and everything most likely knew best, and went home to do some more research. I learned that a lot of Band patients actually end up getting Sleeve revisions! And what really made my decision? Sleeve patients lost an average of 60-80% of their excess body weight, versus Band patients and the 40-50% they lose. As I always say….Go hard, or go HOME!
On June 20th, 2011, after all was said and done, I went in for my last pre-op appointment, weighing in at 305 lbs. On June 24th, after 4 days if liquid diet, I was down to 291. As of today, I am officially at 275 lbs. Putting these numbers in black and white really HURTS me. It makes me feel ashamed, and scared, and like I was so close to failing.
But the beautiful thing about this struggle is all the victories that I have been fortunate to have, and that I look forward to celebrating. 30 lbs in 32 days….and we have only just begun!!