First of all, I would just like to say that getting a bikini wax does not in any way entitle you to prance around in a bikini. I just got my first bikini wax…and let me tell you what….NEVER again. EVER. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER! The woman has been telling me for months now when I ask that I won’t even feel it, and I figured “I mean, it doesn’t hurt when they wax my brows! It’s the tweezing that makes me wanna shoot myself!” and I went for it. You know that line in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when the newlywed guy is like “NO! God put our mouths on our heads for a REASON!” ? Well, he put hair on our bikini lines for a reason too. And I, for one, plan to NEVER venture to remove it in such a way ever again. Because this trick started with “Wowww, yo leg so smoo! And you don’t have lot dimple like most big girl!”
Ok, heiffa. Look here! [WAIT! NOT THERE! BECAUSE THAT’S PRIVATE PROPERTY!] Insults are not welcome in this situation. Not even when you actually mean it as a compliment in your own twisted way. Because you are WAXING my HOO-HA!! I would really much rather we discuss Glee or something random and intriguing like that as you venture into the unknown, here. Hella rude. And ya’ll are probably over there dying laughing, but I am so serious when I say that I wanted to die right then. Not even because of the cellulite crack…but because, dang! I don’t even have a legit reason to do mess like this! I coulda stuck to what I know, and kicked it with the homegirl Sally Hansen at home for 15 minutes, and it woulda been a wrap .But noooo. I tried to be all 21st century with it. Believe me when I tell you that I have learned my lesson. I’d rather die from eating maggot eggs[ and THAT is a whole other story]. I’m just being real.
Actually, let’s tell the maggot story, shall we? I came home from work and TORTURE spa and salon tonight, and Julie said to feel free to eat some of the yummy pot roast that she made. She mentioned there were no sides, and I had some potatoes I’ve been meaning to use, so I figured I’d make some parmesan mashed potatoes. I was adding the potatoes to the boiling water, when I realized there was something in the garlic salt. I had NOT used the garlic salt….but I was planning to after draining the potatoes, because it was already out from Julie using it for the pot roast when she put it in the crock pot last night. I kept seeing something black in the little clear part of the jar, and I figured it was like, the reflection of the spatula I was stirring with….til I looked closer, stopped moving my arm, and realized it was a FLY. An effing FLY was in the garlic salt. Those familiar with most household spice jars know that it is “protected” by a little plastic cover with some holes in it. Holes, in this case, that were NOT large enough for a fly to get into. WTH?!?!?! I processed this, and then ran to the other room to show Alex, who laughed, before being disgusted and mentioning that hopefully we wouldn’t “eat maggot eggs and die.” AWWW MAN!!! In case anyone is wondering, the pot roast was delicious. AS were the potatoes. If I die, tell em to check the meat.[That’s what she said!] 🙂
Otherwise? My new job? AMAZING. I got my desk all set up today, and I start working solo tomorrow, as we are officially gonna begin taking appointments for the new Handyman service. We are still in the process of hiring an actual Handyman crew, rather than using the termite guys to do the work, like we are presently. In the meantime, I am working both Termite and Handyman, and Wednesdays are free lunch day, so I’m hella excited. I’m praying it’s Panera Day!! WOOOOO!
Friday, I start my new healthy lifestyle. Sarah is going to help me make my weight loss goals a reality, and the plan is to lose 30 lbs before September. I have 22 down, and that’ll make 52 lbs before the year is even OVER! Amazing!I am joining the gym[even tho I HATE working out alone], eating more organic food, cutting the majority of processed foods[ except wednesdays, shooooot!], and I’m posting photos, quotes and dream boards all around my room! The downside is, I have to take “Biggest Loser” style piks, in red cheer shorts and a black sports bra. But you better believe I’ll be posting them come September. I’d like to take this moment to thank those that have supported and praised me so far, and I hope you’ll continue to do so. Jesenia…I am SO happy we are starting together! We will toast with cellulite cream! Lol.
Also, one of the highlights of the month? Attending the wedding of Mrs. Thigpenn! Ya’ll made me want to fall in love! I am so happy for you, and I’ll continue to pray that nothing but joy and love bless your family and home.
I’ll be throwing a housewarming bbq soon. I was going to do July, but it’s a really busy month, so it looks like it’s gonna be the first weekend of August. I hope ya’ll will keep that in mind. The FB invite will be out shortly. I hope you all make it, so you can be a part of the new joy I have in life! I’ll be making tons of food, and sangria! 🙂
Love you all!