Tales of [not so much] Romance from the Big Narcissistic Insomniac with OCD.


[Aka…why I need medical insurance, so I can get some damn ambien already.]

Ok. So Bandace calls me this morning, and we had a LOVELY chat, as usual. She texts me later saying “DO NOT READ THIS TEXT TIL LATER. GO TO SLEEP.” and then texts me again to inform me that the guy who was on my sack at her birthday party just added her on myspace. She goes to his page. He has a BabyMama, full frontal, and like, at LEAST 2 kids…right? Ok. So we aren’t shocked, I’m sure. He is a 26 year old man with a full time job, an iphone, and a car. I would have been kidding myself if I thought all of that wanted lil old me, no strings attached. HA! I am hopeful…but not quite that hopeful. I know where I live. Lol. So yeah…I go look at the page, and I kinda couldn’t stop laughing…because honestly? The fool used to have this looooong hair….looking like some crazy pimp….ROFL. it was good times. I needed that laugh! For real.

Now there are a few things I’d like to analyze concerning this situation.

1. I say he was “on my sack” because I am becoming more familiar, albeit comfortable with the fact that I am always going to wear the pants in these situations. I am always accused of “acting like a nigga” and im sure people are always wondering why my ass doesn’t have a man[other than the fact that i am crazy, don’t really filter anything that I say, and I don’t wear a size 9. but whose paying any attention, really?]

2. After the hotel shindig, the MF emailed me on my phone and asked for my number. We talked ALLLL day. While he was at work, when he got off work, etc. He’s talking about “We should go see a movie at the Drive-In” [got me messed up…but its the thought that counts, right?? Besides, its not like it happened.]blah blah. He sends me a pik the next day, it doesnt work, i tell him it doesnt work [I didnt even ASK for it. I didn’t forget what the negro looked like for crying out loud. He said something about “Can’t have you confusing me with the ten other niggas I know you must be talking to. gotta hold my place in line! front of the line!”] [oh. for the record? there isn’t THAT long of a line. I was admittedly talking to Darris at the time, but we were just talking. No reason I couldn’t talk to Kenny too. I’m flattered you think that many other dudes have my attention, or want it or whatev, but you’re lowkey calling me a ho. Stop that.] and after that?? Nothing. Cricket, Cricket. Silence. Hush over the world, as far as the fool is concerned.
Enter July 4th. I get a text….”Happy Fourth of July Boo.” mmmhmmm. Breaks 3 days silence with that? Really? Aren’t you 26? I coulda SWORE you were. Hmmm. But that’s all I get? So, being the nigga I am…”Back at you playa. Thanks.” ROFL. Nice. After that?? Nothing again.

3. I didn’t really care so much, or even think about it for that matter, until today. I was so busy wondering where I went wrong in the Darris situation, that I wasn’t even thinking about Kenny! And then I realized something. These niggas are just the same. 26 years old, and established…but they wanna keep secrets and then treat ME like IM a kid. Funny boys. They both got kids, and don’t talk about em. Both got jobs, but ain’t tryna talk about their day like that. Both recently drastically changed their hair styles…you know what!?!?! 26 year olds aint worth not a penny more than a 21 year old. I can deal with this kinda B.S. with a nigga my own age! And, chances are, the chances of them having a kid are about .76 percent slimmer! So HA, simple niggas! You may be grown…but you aren’t adults. You still tiptoe around reality, hoping I won’t ask. Hoping I won’t “accidentally” find out. [F.Y.I.? Adding one of my Besties on myspace? Not gonna help that cause.] Hoping I won’t put your idiot selves on blast.

4.They don’t stop talking to me because I am crazy. Or I say the wrong thing. Or I don’t do the right thing. Or there’s someone prettier. No. Not it.

They stop talking to me, because they KNOW i am NOT that broad. You ain’t finna have me looking dumb. And THAT’s what I did. I was myself, and let it be known that the fastest way to lose my attention is to be hella stupid with it. I don’t disqualify dudes kuz they have kids, if they take care of em. I ain’t saying you gotta call me all the time, or talk about work and life with me. I ain’t asking all that. All I am asking, is that you put pertinent information out there in the BEGINNING. It is simply the RESPECTFUL thing to do. If I had 3 kids by 8 baby daddies and didn’t tell you? Shoooot. Mess would hit the fan. If you gotta girl, say so. Because I won’t appreciate it when she comes at me crazy when I didn’t know all the while I was texting you that you were probably calling me your cousin or something. It’s not hard. Really. I know a lot of girls say they want this…and I won’t speak for all of them…but I will speak for ME and say I AM SERIOUS.

Ask Deshawn. I know he has a girlfriend. He won’t tell me. But I told him. And he avoids the whole conversation. So what do I do? I ignore it too. And when he asks when we are gonna kick it? I bring it up again. Because I am no homewrecker. Even if your gf is a two bit, cross-eyed, sluttycakes. Her bad. I can see why you’d run in this direction. Girls with ambition…I can see the appeal, for sure. AT LEAST I HAVE A CHOICE WHEN I KNOW! If I don’t know…you’re in the wrong, and when things get ugly…I’m gonna have to whoop EVERYONES ass. And that is really just dos muchos, dig me?? But I get sooo bored that I just like talking to him on the phone. And it’s safe, kuz he pays me all this attention, and all these compliments…but I can use his gf as an excuse not to bother. It’s really too bad…kuz I like a lot of things about him. Silly boy….anyways.

Ugh. I still haven’t slept. I have all these thoughts already swimming through my head, and these on top of that were just unnecessary. I know that I act a bit high and mighty…but I don’t see why I, let alone all of you, shouldn’t. We keep getting dirty kuz we’re digging in the trash. It’s frustrating when you think you’re looking and playing in the right place, and then you get surprises like this. I am blessed, because the Lord always seems to make these people take their own quiet exit cues…I spose thats a perk of having no filter…I don’t say anything they’re tryna hear. But really? I wanna be in a relationship too, you know! I want those cute lil kissy face piks and I wanna go on dumb ass double dates just to show someone off. Jeez! Is that so much to ask?!?! Am I really not getting it because I have STANDARDS?!?! REALLY?!?!

Ok. I admit it. Maybe I wear the pants on purpose, at times. I am difficult. Narcissistic. OCD. I have insomnia. I don’t always know when to shut up. I laugh at nothing. I speak my mind. I hit kinda hard on purpose. And I look mean when I am not smiling. But I am a nice person, overall. And I am good in relationships, given a reason to be in one. So I’d really just appreciate it if these BOYS would stop making me wear the pants all the time.I’d like to stop having to grab hands and lead, and have someone else grab my hand and lead the MF way for once. I start to thinking there is something wrong with me. But guess what? There is nothing wrong with expecting the BEST. Nor is there anything wrong with kicking the obvious ridiculousness to the curb.

Do you know I haven’t slept in 32 hours?

I am JUST SAYING!
❀

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