Part I: The Ridiculous Life.

Well, where on earth do I start? Perhaps, I should go to the most familiar place. The club/party/kickback scene.

Firstly, I would like to thank all of the little negroes who are gracious enough to give me an ego boost with their gawking, drooling, corny and ridiculous lines, bad game, good game, groping, poking, and cake checking. It’s much appreciated, despite it’s rather unfortunate outcomes. I mean, who really just goes around grabbing booty all the time? Random booty, at that?!?! I mean, I did that in high school, I won’t lie…but it was really just because it was super funny to me…I knew the boys, for crying out loud!
I was at the club the other night, and this guy we always see [but do NOT know] who has this weird House Party lookin hair, and slightly resembles a cute Nick Cannon…he came up behind me, and I promise you he not only HIGHkey put his hands all on my hips like he knew what they could do, but he totally took the cakes in both hands and squeezed em! I looked back like “WTH?!?!?!” and then saw it was him…and he’s just grinning! What kinda drink have you been sipping to the point that you just become that audacious? That’s how people get shot, where I come from. Lol. And that was just the beginning! I was standing by the restroom in an attempt to monitor the whereabouts of my girls as we had all seperated for various reasons [e.g. negroes] and THREE different dudes cake checked me again! and i can’t front…i didn’t even go hard on em. I just said “Really?!?!?!” and let it go. Why, you may ask? Well, quite simply…because they acknowledged that I have cakes! I have been tryna tell you people alllll these years, and that is PROOF! so, HA! HA HA HA! I have cakes!!! Mad cakes! YAY! So, I let it slide. But you know…sooner or later, it’s gonna get ugly.

Now then. The I.E. has apparently been makin some moves. MTV’s Lazar was in the building, acting out the celebrity persona he claims to be. He and his R n B group, 2 Official. Funniest part? One of the dudes, I went to Cajon with him…little dude that I knew as Hancock. I forget his stage name…but I thought it was particularly funny that he came up to me talking about “Aw man, Miss Jo! How are you?!!? Girl, it’s good to see you!” See, at Cajon, he and I did NOT get along. I do believe he tried to swing on me once, as a matter of fact! And, we fought daily in Mr. Thompson’s physical science class, because he was always saying some ignorant mess that irritated me. You know I just speak on that kinda thing…I don’t ignore it. Because quiet as kept, I already didnt wanna be in the class, and dealing with that to boot? Naw. Im good! Anyways. They did not claim the I.E. They were introduced as being from L.A. [ouch!] lol. And they were actually decent. And like all dudes in the I.E. [according to my theory at least] they are strippers in their spare time. Seriously, it’s like dudes out there can’t form a group of some kind that doesn’t involve dancing on a chair, or on someone in one with a shirt off…and I can’t understand at what point they evolve into that. I find it hilarious. I also wonder if maybe they learned a move or two at a Freaky Fantasy party…because I know I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks…Candace and Quane already know! Lol.

Ok. Now then. Let’s talk about the negroes some more [after all, they inspire my best material. I give credit where it is due, when I remember to.] For example: One of the dudes I am currently talking to? I like a lot of things about him. I don’t claim to “like” him, because quite frankly, I often confuse “like” with my just being so bored that I confuse myself. And also, I am currently a bit bitter about a situation with this other dude I was talking to. He gets on my damn nerves, and I am kinda taking it out on the other one, and his girlfriend. Oh! Wait! I didn’t get to that part! Surprise! He has a MF girlfriend. And the best part? He acts like he doesn’t. Like she’s not on his myspace. Like I’m not going to go look at her myspace [especially when in the display pik, shes outside in leopard chonies and a zebra bra. Can you say skankalicious?!?!] More importantly, like there is ANY comparison whatsoever between the two of us! Some of you [like Janel, and Candace, and Brit and Quane] have been briefed and seen it firsthand. I am sorry I exposed you to such messiness….but I am having trouble understanding why exactly he is blowing me up, and getting so obsessed with spending time with ME, when SHE is apparently his type. I can’t figure it out for the life of me. Maybe because we both have Italian moms? fortunately, that is where the similarities stop. Feel free to take a look, and let me know…

_slowli. From the url, you can see she has a magnificent way with words. She is not ugly. She just has a lack of self respect or something. Her bad. He doesn’t care to break it down for me, so I’m left with her ridiculous effing myspace page and my own swirl of hilarious, and rather rude thoughts and assumptions. His bad. Their bad. Ugh. Or the other dude I talk to, who insists I am his girlfriend, although we have a mutual friend who would prohibit that from EVER going down. I explain that I am not a dater. And that I am still technically celibate [I used my free pass. And you know what? So worth it. But I’m back to the no nookie thing. Totally rewarding. I remember why I stopped now. smh….]. And that I don’t really date. And this fool….you know what he said? “You’re making yourself totally unavailable.”
Well. DUH! Hello!?!?! Did you hear me!?!?! Kuz thats basically what i JUST said. BUT. I applaud him for picking that up. Most wouldn’t. Where he failed was still bothering anyways. If there’s one thing that kills me, it’s someone who thinks they are going to break me down. Ugh. Get over yourself. I have an iron will….when I want to!

Another thing that kills me? People who constantly call me only when they WANT something. Like I don’t know they only communicate with me for their own benefit. Like I haven’t understood that for the time, be it years, or simply weeks that I have known them. Granted, my bad for obliging before. But the fact that they get mad when I decide I’m too busy doing me to even THINK about doing for them? Now that? Not only is it a killer…but it’s hella funny. Because I think my feelings are supposed to be hurt. Or I am supposed to feel stupid. But in fact, your ish is still sitting there needing Miss Jo’s help. And Miss Jo is too busy getting Miss Jo to the top. Real people, real friends…they don’t want to stand in the way of that. Funny what you see when you really start looking!

Kings Kup. Woo! That’s my ish! Every time I play, I love it more! Especially when I watch people pick the card that gives them rights to truth or dare anyone at the table, and they dare someone to kiss them. That is HELLA thirsty. And my poor Quane…lol. ROFL. Overall….totally a fun time. But…really? I have never seen some mess like that! And for the record, my cakes were confirmed that night too. And? Apparently, according to a new friend I met that night…tan lines are a preference for some oddball dudes. Because when someone was dared to lick my boob, and I refused to do it facing the group, under the pretense that i didnt want the group to see? Said friend chimes in with “Thats ok. We like tan lines.” Lying ass n-word. Lol. You like boobs. Keep it real! Hahaha….funny!

Oh! Body shots! That is NASTY! Stop that! I’d like you all to stop and think back to the last time you REALLY took some time to TRULY clean and sanitize your navel. Now. Take that time, and imagine that filth[ lint, or whatever the heck it is] sitting at the bottom of a shot glass. Now…pour some bacardi on that ish, and you got the equivalent of a body shot. Ya’ll are hella nasty for that. Lol. I was watching in awe. And please believe, when I got in the shower, I took 4 q-tips with me. Because that was a hell of a wakeup call.

Ok. imsomnia is starting to wear off and make it clear that I may possibly get some sleep…so Ill be signing off. Keep a lookout for more fashion and lifestyle articles by yours truly on, and remember the blog…

I know I am a bit abrasive sometimes, but I am so tired of holding back what I really wanna say. Not that I do THAT very often. Lol.
Love you all mucho!

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