Tales of [not so much] Romance from the Big Narcissistic Insomniac with OCD.

[Aka…why I need medical insurance, so I can get some damn ambien already.]

Ok. So Bandace calls me this morning, and we had a LOVELY chat, as usual. She texts me later saying “DO NOT READ THIS TEXT TIL LATER. GO TO SLEEP.” and then texts me again to inform me that the guy who was on my sack at her birthday party just added her on myspace. She goes to his page. He has a BabyMama, full frontal, and like, at LEAST 2 kids…right? Ok. So we aren’t shocked, I’m sure. He is a 26 year old man with a full time job, an iphone, and a car. I would have been kidding myself if I thought all of that wanted lil old me, no strings attached. HA! I am hopeful…but not quite that hopeful. I know where I live. Lol. So yeah…I go look at the page, and I kinda couldn’t stop laughing…because honestly? The fool used to have this looooong hair….looking like some crazy pimp….ROFL. it was good times. I needed that laugh! For real.

Now there are a few things I’d like to analyze concerning this situation.

1. I say he was “on my sack” because I am becoming more familiar, albeit comfortable with the fact that I am always going to wear the pants in these situations. I am always accused of “acting like a nigga” and im sure people are always wondering why my ass doesn’t have a man[other than the fact that i am crazy, don’t really filter anything that I say, and I don’t wear a size 9. but whose paying any attention, really?]

2. After the hotel shindig, the MF emailed me on my phone and asked for my number. We talked ALLLL day. While he was at work, when he got off work, etc. He’s talking about “We should go see a movie at the Drive-In” [got me messed up…but its the thought that counts, right?? Besides, its not like it happened.]blah blah. He sends me a pik the next day, it doesnt work, i tell him it doesnt work [I didnt even ASK for it. I didn’t forget what the negro looked like for crying out loud. He said something about “Can’t have you confusing me with the ten other niggas I know you must be talking to. gotta hold my place in line! front of the line!”] [oh. for the record? there isn’t THAT long of a line. I was admittedly talking to Darris at the time, but we were just talking. No reason I couldn’t talk to Kenny too. I’m flattered you think that many other dudes have my attention, or want it or whatev, but you’re lowkey calling me a ho. Stop that.] and after that?? Nothing. Cricket, Cricket. Silence. Hush over the world, as far as the fool is concerned.
Enter July 4th. I get a text….”Happy Fourth of July Boo.” mmmhmmm. Breaks 3 days silence with that? Really? Aren’t you 26? I coulda SWORE you were. Hmmm. But that’s all I get? So, being the nigga I am…”Back at you playa. Thanks.” ROFL. Nice. After that?? Nothing again.

3. I didn’t really care so much, or even think about it for that matter, until today. I was so busy wondering where I went wrong in the Darris situation, that I wasn’t even thinking about Kenny! And then I realized something. These niggas are just the same. 26 years old, and established…but they wanna keep secrets and then treat ME like IM a kid. Funny boys. They both got kids, and don’t talk about em. Both got jobs, but ain’t tryna talk about their day like that. Both recently drastically changed their hair styles…you know what!?!?! 26 year olds aint worth not a penny more than a 21 year old. I can deal with this kinda B.S. with a nigga my own age! And, chances are, the chances of them having a kid are about .76 percent slimmer! So HA, simple niggas! You may be grown…but you aren’t adults. You still tiptoe around reality, hoping I won’t ask. Hoping I won’t “accidentally” find out. [F.Y.I.? Adding one of my Besties on myspace? Not gonna help that cause.] Hoping I won’t put your idiot selves on blast.

4.They don’t stop talking to me because I am crazy. Or I say the wrong thing. Or I don’t do the right thing. Or there’s someone prettier. No. Not it.

They stop talking to me, because they KNOW i am NOT that broad. You ain’t finna have me looking dumb. And THAT’s what I did. I was myself, and let it be known that the fastest way to lose my attention is to be hella stupid with it. I don’t disqualify dudes kuz they have kids, if they take care of em. I ain’t saying you gotta call me all the time, or talk about work and life with me. I ain’t asking all that. All I am asking, is that you put pertinent information out there in the BEGINNING. It is simply the RESPECTFUL thing to do. If I had 3 kids by 8 baby daddies and didn’t tell you? Shoooot. Mess would hit the fan. If you gotta girl, say so. Because I won’t appreciate it when she comes at me crazy when I didn’t know all the while I was texting you that you were probably calling me your cousin or something. It’s not hard. Really. I know a lot of girls say they want this…and I won’t speak for all of them…but I will speak for ME and say I AM SERIOUS.

Ask Deshawn. I know he has a girlfriend. He won’t tell me. But I told him. And he avoids the whole conversation. So what do I do? I ignore it too. And when he asks when we are gonna kick it? I bring it up again. Because I am no homewrecker. Even if your gf is a two bit, cross-eyed, sluttycakes. Her bad. I can see why you’d run in this direction. Girls with ambition…I can see the appeal, for sure. AT LEAST I HAVE A CHOICE WHEN I KNOW! If I don’t know…you’re in the wrong, and when things get ugly…I’m gonna have to whoop EVERYONES ass. And that is really just dos muchos, dig me?? But I get sooo bored that I just like talking to him on the phone. And it’s safe, kuz he pays me all this attention, and all these compliments…but I can use his gf as an excuse not to bother. It’s really too bad…kuz I like a lot of things about him. Silly boy….anyways.

Ugh. I still haven’t slept. I have all these thoughts already swimming through my head, and these on top of that were just unnecessary. I know that I act a bit high and mighty…but I don’t see why I, let alone all of you, shouldn’t. We keep getting dirty kuz we’re digging in the trash. It’s frustrating when you think you’re looking and playing in the right place, and then you get surprises like this. I am blessed, because the Lord always seems to make these people take their own quiet exit cues…I spose thats a perk of having no filter…I don’t say anything they’re tryna hear. But really? I wanna be in a relationship too, you know! I want those cute lil kissy face piks and I wanna go on dumb ass double dates just to show someone off. Jeez! Is that so much to ask?!?! Am I really not getting it because I have STANDARDS?!?! REALLY?!?!

Ok. I admit it. Maybe I wear the pants on purpose, at times. I am difficult. Narcissistic. OCD. I have insomnia. I don’t always know when to shut up. I laugh at nothing. I speak my mind. I hit kinda hard on purpose. And I look mean when I am not smiling. But I am a nice person, overall. And I am good in relationships, given a reason to be in one. So I’d really just appreciate it if these BOYS would stop making me wear the pants all the time.I’d like to stop having to grab hands and lead, and have someone else grab my hand and lead the MF way for once. I start to thinking there is something wrong with me. But guess what? There is nothing wrong with expecting the BEST. Nor is there anything wrong with kicking the obvious ridiculousness to the curb.

Do you know I haven’t slept in 32 hours?


Insomnia strikes again. Lucky you!

I guess I am just writing because I can. And because I have decided that I need to really dedicate myself to this endeavor. I am funny. I can write. I am talented. I am interesting. And you? You are bored, and you LOVE ME. So, yeah!

I just finished dancing around my room to “Ego” by Beyonce, and “Obsessed” by Mariah Carey. I feel like such a superstar! My celebrity fashion picks for the morning? Well, I am rocking the plum old navy yoga capris, a super comfy cotton gap white tee, and some Sigerson Morrison pumps. Yes. It is true what they say…I am FIERCE! Not Sasha….Fierce. But Sondra….FIERCE! Beyonce is a bit sketchy to me at times…but I can’t help but like her, or her catchy songs. She is talented…even if some choose not to think so. She still has more money than all of us, so talking mess about her doesn’t really make it any bettter, now does it?

Notice how I throw Sigerson Morrison’s name like I have money? Like I can afford his $359 FLATS, let alone pumps? Well, see, that is because I got Sigerson Morrison for Target pumps. On clearance, at that! I believe they were forty bucks, and I paid ten. Why, might you ask? Because I am a freaking Shopping Thug! I can go in any store, locate amazing merchandise, at an even more amazing price, and rock it like it costs more than a million dollars just to get me out of bed every morning! I wish that was truly the case. It’s not. I actually have $19 dollars to last me until my next paycheck…in two weeks. Dang cell phone and college bills!

Speaking of clearance…when did middle class America get so freaking Bougeousie?!?! People act like things aren’t as good if they are on sale…that’s B.S!I bought a fabulous Bisou bisou maxi dress…its pink and coral ombre with some yellow tones in there, with braided straps…too fab for regular daytime wear, but perfection as far as a date or yacht function is concerned[Yes. I have made up my mind I will be attending another yacht function…and bought that dress for when I do, at that!]. And you know, I showed it to a friend, and she LOVED it…until I told her I bought it for 50% of the original price. Let’s recap:I got a BISOU BISOU MAXI DRESS for HALF OFF, and she LOVED IT…until I told her I did NOT PAY FULL PRICE FOR IT. Ahem. Brings a new meaning to the term “Crazy B word,” yes? At my store, we markdown items about two months after they come out, if we even wait that long. They are a season ahead of trend, in theory, and here in Sunny California…you know, trends are fly by night, but we [all the REAL women and men who like to put their best fashion foot forward, that is] will find a way to work the items we can afford. Especially us poor college folk. So, next time you turn your nose up at the sale rack, and act like the clearance rack is equivalent to rubbing the actual Swine Flu virus in your right nostril? Think about every time you told me how much you liked what I was wearing! Because I never buy anything full price. I am too broke. And even if I wasn’t? I still wouldn’t, because no matter how much I love fashion? It’ll change in the blink of an eye!

Oh…back to the Beyonce song? Let’s take the chorus of “Ego” and add a Miss Jo spin to it, shall we? “It’s too big. It’s too wide. It’s too strong. It won’t fit. It’s too much. It’s too tough. I talk like this, ‘cuz I can back it up! I got a big….BOOTY!” Hahaha….I secretly have been saying that in my head all this time…but I feel sharing it with the world will give them some of the joy I feel everytime I sing it out loud in my room. If you are so bold as to dance around your room in yoga pants to it, you will know what true bliss feels like. Ahhh….thank you Jesus! Small blessings….amen!

Now then. Next order of business. I was extremely blessed recently with a vehicle. My Other Mother made a way for me to have her old car, and I am super excited, because school is about to start, and I have work things to worry about…and a car will make life soooo much easier! Ahhh! I keep seeing the car everywhere now…I feel like I am part of some secret Dodge Caravan club…even though I don’t even have the car in my possession. I haven’t even SEEN the car since 2007. LOL. She told me I can have it, and I didn’t even go LOOK at it. Because you know what? I am THAT freakin excited. I researched smog checks. And Oil changes. I have an email folder specifically for auto insurance quotes I have been requesting! I even found myself being intrigued by Window Tinting Ads today…even though I am NOT getting the windows tinted! I have a list on my headboard of websites for all of the companies and coupons I have to get together for my next check to get this car business underway! How freaking nuts am I? The funniest part? I am going to be rolling in a minivan…proving Sherissa right when she said I always look like a Soccer Mom. Toooo funny. I am so grateful. And joyful. And blessed. And broke. Lol.

Ok. Ego is playing on Itunes. I think Ima dance ONCE MORE tonight…I mean, come on! I still have the heels on and everything! Maybe I can tire myself out and get some sleep before I have to be at work in approximately 9 hours. YAY me!

Happy Saturday people!

Part I: The Ridiculous Life.

Well, where on earth do I start? Perhaps, I should go to the most familiar place. The club/party/kickback scene.

Firstly, I would like to thank all of the little negroes who are gracious enough to give me an ego boost with their gawking, drooling, corny and ridiculous lines, bad game, good game, groping, poking, and cake checking. It’s much appreciated, despite it’s rather unfortunate outcomes. I mean, who really just goes around grabbing booty all the time? Random booty, at that?!?! I mean, I did that in high school, I won’t lie…but it was really just because it was super funny to me…I knew the boys, for crying out loud!
I was at the club the other night, and this guy we always see [but do NOT know] who has this weird House Party lookin hair, and slightly resembles a cute Nick Cannon…he came up behind me, and I promise you he not only HIGHkey put his hands all on my hips like he knew what they could do, but he totally took the cakes in both hands and squeezed em! I looked back like “WTH?!?!?!” and then saw it was him…and he’s just grinning! What kinda drink have you been sipping to the point that you just become that audacious? That’s how people get shot, where I come from. Lol. And that was just the beginning! I was standing by the restroom in an attempt to monitor the whereabouts of my girls as we had all seperated for various reasons [e.g. negroes] and THREE different dudes cake checked me again! and i can’t front…i didn’t even go hard on em. I just said “Really?!?!?!” and let it go. Why, you may ask? Well, quite simply…because they acknowledged that I have cakes! I have been tryna tell you people alllll these years, and that is PROOF! so, HA! HA HA HA! I have cakes!!! Mad cakes! YAY! So, I let it slide. But you know…sooner or later, it’s gonna get ugly.

Now then. The I.E. has apparently been makin some moves. MTV’s Lazar was in the building, acting out the celebrity persona he claims to be. He and his R n B group, 2 Official. Funniest part? One of the dudes, I went to Cajon with him…little dude that I knew as Hancock. I forget his stage name…but I thought it was particularly funny that he came up to me talking about “Aw man, Miss Jo! How are you?!!? Girl, it’s good to see you!” See, at Cajon, he and I did NOT get along. I do believe he tried to swing on me once, as a matter of fact! And, we fought daily in Mr. Thompson’s physical science class, because he was always saying some ignorant mess that irritated me. You know I just speak on that kinda thing…I don’t ignore it. Because quiet as kept, I already didnt wanna be in the class, and dealing with that to boot? Naw. Im good! Anyways. They did not claim the I.E. They were introduced as being from L.A. [ouch!] lol. And they were actually decent. And like all dudes in the I.E. [according to my theory at least] they are strippers in their spare time. Seriously, it’s like dudes out there can’t form a group of some kind that doesn’t involve dancing on a chair, or on someone in one with a shirt off…and I can’t understand at what point they evolve into that. I find it hilarious. I also wonder if maybe they learned a move or two at a Freaky Fantasy party…because I know I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks…Candace and Quane already know! Lol.

Ok. Now then. Let’s talk about the negroes some more [after all, they inspire my best material. I give credit where it is due, when I remember to.] For example: One of the dudes I am currently talking to? I like a lot of things about him. I don’t claim to “like” him, because quite frankly, I often confuse “like” with my just being so bored that I confuse myself. And also, I am currently a bit bitter about a situation with this other dude I was talking to. He gets on my damn nerves, and I am kinda taking it out on the other one, and his girlfriend. Oh! Wait! I didn’t get to that part! Surprise! He has a MF girlfriend. And the best part? He acts like he doesn’t. Like she’s not on his myspace. Like I’m not going to go look at her myspace [especially when in the display pik, shes outside in leopard chonies and a zebra bra. Can you say skankalicious?!?!] More importantly, like there is ANY comparison whatsoever between the two of us! Some of you [like Janel, and Candace, and Brit and Quane] have been briefed and seen it firsthand. I am sorry I exposed you to such messiness….but I am having trouble understanding why exactly he is blowing me up, and getting so obsessed with spending time with ME, when SHE is apparently his type. I can’t figure it out for the life of me. Maybe because we both have Italian moms? fortunately, that is where the similarities stop. Feel free to take a look, and let me know…myspace.com/work_me

_slowli. From the url, you can see she has a magnificent way with words. She is not ugly. She just has a lack of self respect or something. Her bad. He doesn’t care to break it down for me, so I’m left with her ridiculous effing myspace page and my own swirl of hilarious, and rather rude thoughts and assumptions. His bad. Their bad. Ugh. Or the other dude I talk to, who insists I am his girlfriend, although we have a mutual friend who would prohibit that from EVER going down. I explain that I am not a dater. And that I am still technically celibate [I used my free pass. And you know what? So worth it. But I’m back to the no nookie thing. Totally rewarding. I remember why I stopped now. smh….]. And that I don’t really date. And this fool….you know what he said? “You’re making yourself totally unavailable.”
Well. DUH! Hello!?!?! Did you hear me!?!?! Kuz thats basically what i JUST said. BUT. I applaud him for picking that up. Most wouldn’t. Where he failed was still bothering anyways. If there’s one thing that kills me, it’s someone who thinks they are going to break me down. Ugh. Get over yourself. I have an iron will….when I want to!

Another thing that kills me? People who constantly call me only when they WANT something. Like I don’t know they only communicate with me for their own benefit. Like I haven’t understood that for the time, be it years, or simply weeks that I have known them. Granted, my bad for obliging before. But the fact that they get mad when I decide I’m too busy doing me to even THINK about doing for them? Now that? Not only is it a killer…but it’s hella funny. Because I think my feelings are supposed to be hurt. Or I am supposed to feel stupid. But in fact, your ish is still sitting there needing Miss Jo’s help. And Miss Jo is too busy getting Miss Jo to the top. Real people, real friends…they don’t want to stand in the way of that. Funny what you see when you really start looking!

Kings Kup. Woo! That’s my ish! Every time I play, I love it more! Especially when I watch people pick the card that gives them rights to truth or dare anyone at the table, and they dare someone to kiss them. That is HELLA thirsty. And my poor Quane…lol. ROFL. Overall….totally a fun time. But…really? I have never seen some mess like that! And for the record, my cakes were confirmed that night too. And? Apparently, according to a new friend I met that night…tan lines are a preference for some oddball dudes. Because when someone was dared to lick my boob, and I refused to do it facing the group, under the pretense that i didnt want the group to see? Said friend chimes in with “Thats ok. We like tan lines.” Lying ass n-word. Lol. You like boobs. Keep it real! Hahaha….funny!

Oh! Body shots! That is NASTY! Stop that! I’d like you all to stop and think back to the last time you REALLY took some time to TRULY clean and sanitize your navel. Now. Take that time, and imagine that filth[ lint, or whatever the heck it is] sitting at the bottom of a shot glass. Now…pour some bacardi on that ish, and you got the equivalent of a body shot. Ya’ll are hella nasty for that. Lol. I was watching in awe. And please believe, when I got in the shower, I took 4 q-tips with me. Because that was a hell of a wakeup call.

Ok. imsomnia is starting to wear off and make it clear that I may possibly get some sleep…so Ill be signing off. Keep a lookout for more fashion and lifestyle articles by yours truly on AskMsPopular.com, and remember the blog….missjosaidit.blogspot.com

I know I am a bit abrasive sometimes, but I am so tired of holding back what I really wanna say. Not that I do THAT very often. Lol.
Love you all mucho!